you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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