It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So vagazzling was a success
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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