Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
