there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
