so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
