I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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