Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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