I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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