Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
