who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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