I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
