He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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