so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
