She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
