I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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