Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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