so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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