OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
