all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
