i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
