Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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