Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
