I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
