Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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