If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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