I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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