god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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