dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
