Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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