butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
