Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
