I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
