"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
