im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i think i just lost a toe
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
