Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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