If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
