Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
