I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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