By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The uberlube is also flammable
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
