I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
