I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck appropriateness.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
