If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
