Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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