first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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