Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
