No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
