At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
