Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
