i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
