Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it because I queefed?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
