Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
