drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
