birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
