Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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