I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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