Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
