i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
