I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
